If you can't keep up, get the hell of my way...

I commute by bike to work, and there's this amazing rec trail that runs from the front door of my apartment to the steps of my office. I ride fast because usually I'm running a bit late and really, I don't know how to ride slow. Ask Mo.

Anyhow. I get a good pace going, and there you are, two spandex-clad middle-aged guys out for probably your first ride of the year. One of you has a super-spiffy bike that rattles like a junker because you don't take care of it, and the other one of you, well, you really REALLY should have skipped the spandex. But that's not my main complaint.

Your pace was actually pretty good when I caught up to you, so I tacked on a few yards behind, and started to enjoy the tempo. You were riding side-by-side, which on the fairly-wide trail wouldn't be a problem, except that your pace, every 2 minutes or so, would SLOW WAAAY DOWN; Mr. Spiff would stop pedaling and coast, and Mr. Beerbelly-Biff in the too-tight jersey kept drifting across the middle-line, making it impossible for me to pass his wide ass before the oncoming traffic of runners with baby-strollers and meandering tourists closed the gap entirely.

You would routinely speed up again, and I would think, hey, maybe these guys are actually going to RIDE. Nope. As soon as I'd let that thought finish, you slowed way down, chattering so much about nothing that you didn't hear me say "Excuse me, coming through", Then you would speed up, only to slow down again at the next intersection, even though there was no traffic headed through. You made sure to take the time to suck on your energy-gel packets and drift around in the lanes some more. For fun? Cooling off after that grueling sprint of a flat 20 feet? Excuse me for actually having someplace to BE.

I saw my chance and I took it - envisioning my hand reaching out and smacking you in the back of your helmets as I passed - squeezing through the oncoming lane across the intersection as the cross-traffic light turned green. And what did you shout when I startled you, passing in a tiny gap to your left? "Whoa! Look out! What's HER problem?!"

My PROBLEM is you treat public spaces like you own them, and while I took a big chance when I shot across the street and on my merry way, your riding clueless and tuned-out makes you a bigger risk to the rest of us. Not to mention the spandex - downright offensive, unless you are up to riding fast enough that none of us have to look at it for too long. No? Then move the hell over and let me through.

Sincerely,

The cranky girl on the bright-yellow bike.
Can't miss her.
She's the really fast one you probably couldn't catch if you tried.

Chicken bone, glass bottle throwing Mother 'uckers!

Alright I don't know what is about Tacoma, but here people find it perfectly acceptable to throw their chicken bones and glass bottles on the ground. Yes chicken bones, chewed on chicken bones. The glass bottles are of course cheap malt liquor bottles and for some reason must be smashed. 

Tacoma is suppose to be one of the most walkable cities in the US but I find that these two items strewn about make it impossible to take my dogs for a walk. The favored place for the bottles to be thrown is of course in front of parked cars so that you pop your tires. 

TO ALL OF YOU CHICKEN BONE, GLASS BOTTLE THROWING MOTHER 'UCKERS I WILL SLAP THE CRAP OUT  YOU IF I CATCH YOU. 

People at work that I hate.

1- Pregnant girl who is grossly overweight and actually DROVE her car the 2 blocks from our building to the grocery store to get a chocolate bar. You are, seriously, like 6 weeks pregnant. You do not need 3 breakfast, 2 lunches and untold snacks because you are "eating for two". Dude, its not even the size of a sea monkey yet. Do sane pregnant women everywhere a favor, and stop being a psycho.
2- People who bum-rush the elevator to get on before I've had a chance to exit. THAT is rude. Hello? The elevator won't get anywhere any faster cause you got on it with the quickness. Step back and let me out, you giant idiot.
Along that same line, 2(a)- People who rush to beat me onto the elevator, even though I've been waiting patiently for 5 minutes and you just walked up. You will RUE the day I have to wait for another one because of you, you dumb cow.
3- My boss. Don't promise things you can't or won't deliver. It makes me angry, and I lose respect for you. I will do my job, but only because I want to get paid. Your requests now take the back burner. Often, the daily sudoku and cuteoverload.com take precedence.
4- My print rep who went behind my back. You don't know what you've done. I have so much more power over your accounts than I think you realize. Again, there will be rue-age.
5- The girls who either pee on the seats (foul) or leave little dirt particles. WTF IS THAT? I just don't understand, and (this may be a little graphic for some) all I can think is "are those crab eggs??"

I work with morons

*Sigh* Statements go out once a month, the sales reps have an ENTIRE MONTH to get their account adjustments to us before statements go out, AN ENTIRE MONTH, that's 30 days, 30. This isn't hard, yet every month I have to call the reps and ask them why the adjustments aren't in, and now that they weren't sent to us on time the customer is going to call AGAIN wanting to know why their statement is wrong, well Mrs. Brown, it's b/c your rep is an incompetent idiot. Then, after statements go out and I email the rep saying, client so and so needs to be contacted b/c they're statement isn't going to reflect the credit memo you sent me 2 hours ago, the rep says ok, yet I inevitably get a call about 4 days after statements drop from a frantic rep wanting to know why client so and so's statement is wrong. Dumbasses.

An Enraged Accountant

Sales reps

Have I told you all how much I hate sales reps? Well, I do. Seriously, don't blame me that you never collected the customer's money and now they want their ads for free, that's your deal dumbass. You ask for accounting reports, I get them to you, you don't know how to read them, I teach you, you explain them INCORRECTLY to the customer, why the HELL you're showing them our cryptic reports, I have no idea, but either way, now I have a customer up my ass b/c not only did you show them a report from 4 months ago telling them it was the most recent but you explained it to them wrong and now instead of them knowing they've paid $4000 they think they owe $4000. Dumbass, dumbass is the word of the day people.

An Enraged Accountant

Finally, a place to lay my pests to rest

I officially declare "People-who-don't-do-their-jobs-and-therefore-don't-allow-me-to-do-my-job" to be the biggest idiots alive. Chalk that up there with people who use the wrong turning signal AFTER they have already begun to slam on their brakes and turn.

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